Scars or Memoirs

Some things never go away like night and day, oxygen, gravity, sunshine and rain just to name a few. They may take a hiatus for a few hours each day (except for gravity and oxygen, thank God) but they make their rounds everyday somewhere on the earth for everybody. I guess lately I’ve been thinking about other things that we tend to wish had never happened, so we do what we can to make them disappear, go away. In the days of the typewriter we used erasers and "White Out" (oh how I wish I had invented the White Out). Now in the age of computers we just hit the “delete” button. Nevertheless, some things are still on somebody’s “hard drive” somewhere. Hmm. Something else I recall using are products called Nadinola and Cocoa Butter to erase scars from any part of the body.

I still have a scar from ironing my dad’s hankerchiefs and the iron falling off the board kissing my wrist on the way to the floor. Another scar is on my other wrist from where I was reaching for something in my grandmother’s closet and a nail I did not see sticking out of the shelf met my arm on the way down. These scars have not gone anywhere. They’re always with me constantly reminding me of what I was doing at the time they appeared in my life. But physical scars are not the only ones that tend to hang around, for a long time.

“Memories, like the corners of my mind. . . “ Memories of words and deeds. Sometimes they hold the strongest places in our lives reminding us of what was going on at “that time”, who we were with, what was said and done. Wow. Sometimes good and sometimes better, and sometimes wish they had happened never. I’ve been writing song lyrics here of late so bear with me if I tend to rhyme a little here and there, or become poetic in the trying. :-)

I can recall playing in the snow in the 70s with my brothers. Those were the days Archie Bunker, when the snow fell long and hard and stayed around for weeks, and not just 24 hours. Snow as high as our chests meant no school or anything else for several days. Of course depending on what they were going through, sometimes our parents did not feel the same way. Anyhoooo. I also recall chest high snow during the 90s as an adult. Wow!! Those were some fun-filled days and nights walking the streets to the grocery store and not having to go to work or church or anywhere else. Memories. Some of them you don’t want to go away, but some of them you need to help go away, otherwise they can keep you from moving forward.

Life has not been a bed of roses without thorns or gravy without lumps, but I can truly say that no matter how difficult it has been at times, and remembering those times I wanted it ALL to end, I am glad to be alive now, and I am glad to have experienced most of the events I did. Granted, some I really could have done without, but I refused to let them pass without finding out the lessons (and not just the lesions) hidden within them.

Sometimes I find that words spoken are remembered more and first, which trigger memories of events. Words seem to pack a powerful punch because they come from inside the person speaking them. At times we will apologize and say “I did not mean that”, and maybe we didn’t, but at the time it was what was inside our heart, for “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speak.” Maybe we didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did, or at the time it did, or we just didn’t want the other person to know how we felt, or what we were thinking, but it was “in there” nevertheless.

When we speak words they leave an impression upon the ears, mind and heart of the hearer and they reveal what is happening within the heart and mind of the speaker. Sometimes it is difficult to control what we’re feeling inside, but we always have control of what we say, and how and when we say it. I’m not saying it’s not difficult at times, but unless we’re suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s we always have control over our thoughts and words.

One of my favorite lines to myself is “think it through”. Think it through before you say it. Think it through before you do it. Think it through before you go here or there. Think through all the possible scenarios and consider those you cannot think of, because life is not always predictable. “B” does not always come after “A”, and sometimes there is more even after we reach “Z”. Some of the best suspense stories show us this.

If I say this or do that, or go there at this point in time, :-) what may happen? What could be the result(s)? How may my actions and words affect the other person or persons? Will venting and unloading on that person solve the problem, will it change anything? Will it make him or her, or me a better person? Will any of us feel better or be more knowledgeable after I speak my mind or do the first thing that comes into my conscience to do?

Words, like deeds have the power to create scars or memoirs, things we enjoy remembering or events we would rather forget. Being a singer, songwriter, public speaker in the form of a teacher, preacher, and minister requires me to talk a lot. LOL!! Something I enjoy doing, sometimes. Other times I just want to be quiet and think and observe, and listen to others because it’s in the listening that I learn and thus accumulate more to say later!! :-) Serieusement, I now find myself taking more time to think before I speak. A few years ago I read a book by a famous author entitled Quick to Hear, Slow to Speak, which changed my life forever.

The author went deep-sea diving into the Bible to extract and write something more pocket-sized to make it easier for readers to learn to listen first and speak later. I have learned that everyone has something to say, no matter what their level of education or their background. Because we are all human beings living on this planet we all have experiences and thus we have something to share – something to talk about, as Bonnie Raitt would say. If I want others to listen to me and believe I have something worth hearing, then I must treat them the way I want to be treated, and that is with respect and sincerity. Too many times when someone is speaking we’re too busy talking, sometimes with our mouths and sometimes with our minds. The feet of our minds are running here and there, to and fro being disrespectful of the other person. We’re not really in the moment with them experiencing their experiences because we can’t wait to talk about ours. We feel that what we’ve experienced and what we have to say is more important than theirs. This is the epitome of disrespect and the greatest form of lack of attention.

When we fail to listen to the other person’s words, we many times miss their heart and what they really mean. Also we tend to say things they’ve already said not recognizing that they said it using different words and expressions than we do. Misunderstandings abound because we fail to listen with our hearts, minds and ears. Behind misunderstandings lay the potential for unnecessary words which cannot be erased once they’ve been uttered. “Misty water-colored memories, of the way we were.”

Since being in France I’ve come across a product in the stores called “Light White” or something like that. Anyway, I asked an African employee why do Africans want to use this product. He responded because they feel they are too dark and they want to be lighter. Somewhere somebody brainwashed these dark-skinned beautiful people, descendents of the richest continent on the earth that their black skin is bad. It’s something to be removed, changed, erased, a “scar” or memory if you will, to be whited out. Yet you have Caucasians risking skin cancer using bronzing machines and too much sun to become darker. Hmmmm, what’s wrong with these pictures? Even the white people want to erase their color too.

The Bible says that a leopard cannot change its spots, but it seems humans can. We will go to any lengths to undo what has been done, yet the one thing we resist doing, and which ends up being the very last thing we will do, to erase and white out scars and memories, is forgive. Forgive the brother or sister for hurting us with their words and deeds. Forgive being slighted or looked over or forgotten. Forgive that debt, no matter how large or small. I know for me, if I needed to borrow it, it’s because I didn’t have it. And if it takes me a minute to repay it, it’s because I still don’t have it. However, I know this is not the case for everyone. Some people are just chronic borrowers whether or not they ever can pay you back, for some don’t believe in paying what they owe. And others are suffering from addictions, which is a topic for another time.

This is why forgiveness is so important. It liberates the person doing the forgiving more than the one receiving forgiveness. To live in a state of unforgiveness keeps one in a state of suspended animation or suspended belief or unbelief – a state of expectation of something you may never receive. It puts a certain part of your life on hold, especially on the psychological level imprisoning you by someone who may or may not know (and may or may not care that) you’ve given them the keys to your freedom. I have experienced this in my life, and it is a painful state of being. I found that forgiveness freed me and allowed me to move forward past memories and scars from deeds and words I could not erase. I did use some products on my wrist from the iron incident, and it did lighten a little bit, but it is still with me to this day. It’s one of those inconsequential, not-life-or-death scars from which I learned the lesson to be more careful when using an iron and other appliances. It’s a good memory, not something I need to forget or forgive for the lesson stays with me all the time. Forgiveness though did more than lighten the scar, it took away the sting, the pain, the bruise. Oh, I can still remember incidences all the way back to my childhood when living in Queens New York, and that is a long time ago, but either the pain is very light, or does not exist at all.

Forgiveness opened a door for me to understand the pain of others and reminded me that in my imperfection I have hurt others too. And thus I need their forgiveness too. The Bible says if you want to be forgiven, you must first forgive. We usually say we cannot give what we don’t have. Well, forgiveness is always within our power to give because John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” We have been given forgiveness before we knew we needed it and now we have what we need to give to others. It’s more powerful than White Out, Light White, Nadinola and Cocoa Butter, and it doesn’t take as long to work. The effects are immediate and everlasting and is applicable to any part of the life spirit, soul, and body. It also works for all people no matter what continent we are from or the color of our skin. It won’t cause cancer, but as a matter of fact can prevent cancer and arthritis. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful acts of love we can give ourselves and others.

There are some other mental and emotional scars I have had to actively forgive so I can “leave this place” and become the person I am destined to be. The events may come into my mind again from time to time, but I don’t have to be imprisoned by them. The memories of how I ended up in those places will be my teachers and tutors helping me in the future not to take those roads again. I want them to be able to stamp my paper with an “A” for lesson learned. Then we will dance to Earth, Wind and Fire’s kicking song September: “Do you remember. . . Ba de ah say do you remember, Ba de ah dancing in September? Ba de ah never was a cloudy day!!!!”