Substitute Eve

I have something on my mind I want to run, or type by you.
I had a conversation with a male acquaintance a few months ago.  Anyhow, it was positive, sort of, yet I came away wondering, and thus had to place something at the feet of Jesus for understanding and clarification.  Now if you don’t pray to God through Jesus that’s ok for you, but remember you’re in JEAN’s World and this is what I do.  Just wanted to clarify that so we don’t stumble along the way.
Okay, he says that in the Garden of Eden God said it's not good for man to be alone and we all agree with that.  (You can read it in Genesis too.) Also that it means it's not good for woman to be alone.  Hey, thank the Lord for a man who believes in equal rights.  PTL!! and Amen.  So I was excited to hear what else he had to say.  

He believes God created Eve as a helpmeet for Adam and part of this means she's one who motivates her man towards and into etc. his destiny. I concur. He also said that this pattern in the Garden is also for platonic relationships between men and women - that they don't have to be married or in an amorous relationship for a woman to motivate a man. To a degree I can agree with this.  For instance brothers, uncles, fathers, employers all have been helped and motivated by sisters for centuries, as well as males and females like on the television show Friends, which by the way I only watched a few episodes.  I didn’t hang on the “Friends’” block like so many of my friends and family.

 
What's my problem then? I seem to have a problem with a single woman motivating a single man (and vice versus) on a long-term basis in close proximity i.e. physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually when nothing is going to come of the relationship (especially when the decision is one-sided). (Ok Barak and Deborah in the Bible is a good example I think, but it was short-term and for a specific purpose, war.  He needed her counsel, prayers and guidance as a military leader and didn’t want to pursue the enemy without her.  You can check out this interesting story in the Old Testament book of Judges.  Also, I believe both of them were married to others, so he was not using her in the way I'm discussing in this message.  He came to her as a leader and prophet for she had received a word of victory from the Lord on his behalf.  She motivated him to do his job.) Okay, maybe they're best friends and can roll like that.  I on the other hand witnessed a case (although a true story I have embellished facts to maintain the anonymity of the characters) where a young woman stood by a guy, while he went to jail for a sophisticated crime (he was a nice clean guy who got caught on the federal level), visited him, wrote him letters, fell in love with him and did so many things for him and hoped things would go deeper when he got out 2 years later – oh and prayed for him and his sentence was reduced.  This doesn't usually happen for a black man in America.  We can be truthfully honest about that (before Obama that is).  When he got out she helped him get on his feet and restart his business.  Then a year or two later he married someone else.  She was heartbroken. Ok.  And he knew she had feelings for him, yet he used her in this fashion and she did not know about the other woman until engagement time.  She thought she was helping a brother out who would appreciate her in a greater way and love her as she loved him.  Not.
 
I thought to myself, 'I could not do it nor do I ever want to be put in a position as a single woman of motivating a man I like, but for another woman.'  And I was married at the time, not even thinking I would be single again.  (I had/have no problem motivating men professionally, and socially in a safe context; and even married ones, but I prefer to be friends with their wives and girlfriends, and help them motivate their own man so there will be no funny stuff and no accusations.  I'm not into man-sharing either.) 
 
I just listened as this guy talked for his argument was so shiny and crystal like, but I just couldn't see through it.  It was so shiny like it was hiding something, preventing me from seeing what was really not being said or revealed.  I feel that this type of situation is not safe for a woman's heart, for her to give of her soul's and other internal and external resources to motivate a man as he achieves his accomplishments, just for him to grab another female who comes along who did nothing for him in the storms and fires.  I can’t see paying for a cow the milk from which I will never drink.  I've heard of not looking a gift-horse in the face, but this is a cow, okay?  Now this is from this woman’s point of view and limited, negative and painful experiences with the opposite gender.  Yes there have been some positive ones too, but we can talk about those in another blog.  Don't get offended or sidetracked.  

Please tell me if I'm still thinking in the box or have a small mind.  (Please be gentle and tactful, giving it in the way you would like to receive it.  Thanks.) Maybe there is a fear of being taken advantage of, again, but the one I want to avoid is wasting my time with someone, building him up when he has no intentions of committing.  I don't want to allow this “philosophical” thinking to negatively affect the way I roll and interact with people.  I want to save all my resources for my Adam, because I'm no substitute Eve either.  (My name might be Sarah. :-0)

I think many of us have been substitute teachers (or filling in for someone else on a gig) at one time or another.  Well, you know we did not get the teachers' pay or pension or insurance, etc. Heck, depending on your area's school system you didn't know what age you would be covering or the teacher until you arrived at the school.  My point is, and I think you have it by now, is "being used with no retirement plan".  It’s just a temporary set up until the real deal returns.  Well there comes a time in life when we become the real deal and the substitute days end.
 
I don't like the interpretation of Eve as “a motivator”.  God meant something more, and more valuable and beautiful by the pattern He created in the Garden.  He is always multi-dimensional with His creativity, and His head is bigger than ours with bigger thoughts and purposes for us than we have for ourselves and each other.  His thoughts toward us are beneficial for everyone involved - no little "u's" or BIG "I's", no thoughts where only one person comes out on top while the other one has to crawl a minute before standing on their two feet again, or possibly never getting up again.  We are not to be taken apart by men (or they by us) for the parts of us they want so they can build their lives, egos and careers at our expense without giving back something that’s just as valuable (a woman’s soul and heart are priceless).  It's bad enough that a marital relationship doesn't guarantee that you won't be taken advantage of, but at least with it you have a public commitment and papers, witnesses for the prosecution and the plaintiff (thanks Law and Order!), and other legal perks to either make it worth your while, or to help you should, God forbid, the marriage dissolve (and that's no guarantee either.  This I know.)
 
So now, please help me my sisters and brothers.  I'm single again, and I know that what I think (and you also) inside will affect the aura I (you) give off to people, period. I don't want to walk around with a sign on my head saying "take me and use me for whatever you need, hey I'm game".  Hail to the no!!  But neither do I want to wear the other sign that says "stay the hail away from me".  LOL!  Honey draws bees and flies, and though I'm allergic to bees I can do without the flies.  Oh I am having a great time in life now, but every once in a while I get stumped. LOL!

Nevertheless, the next time a nice young, single interesting and interested young beaux pays me positive and long-term attention, I will be wondering "Am I your Eve?"  And "Are you my Adam?"  Is this your garden?  I don't care how many trees you have, just so the ones you have are fruitful and have potential.  Hmmmm.  If not, just call me Sarah!

Ciao!

Peace.

SEE what I'm SAYING?

Have you ever noticed that some people take off their glasses when you're talking to them and will ask, "please repeat what you just said?"  I find myself doing this too, and for some reason it helps me to hear better.  LOL  While growing up, when my family moved from New York to VA my mom's youngest brother was in high school.  He had a baaaad sports car (that's lingo from the 70's for those who may be too young, ahem), kicking music (oh Shaft - "shut yo mouth!"), and always had some sunglasses either on his face, head, in the glove compartment, or somewhere close by, oh yeah hanging on the front of his shirt.  Now that was cool!  This uncle was (and still is) a cool cat and he would take us for rides in his car, and sometimes let us wear his sunglasses.  When you put them on, the lenses might be yellow, or red, or blue or purple and we would go "oooooh", "wow" and be amazed at the transformation by these different colors.  They would really rock, I mean color our world.  You SEE what I'm SAYING?  The way I see the world effects for me, what comes from those speaking to me, how I receive what they're saying.  

After basking in Psychology courses and then psyching myself out with my BA degree, I've learned to listen to others with the other's view in mind, realizing they may be speaking "red" and I'm hearing "orange" or "yellow", depending on the "color of my glasses" i.e. my life's experiences past, present, and future, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. you get the picture.  This has helped me to interrupt less and listen more.  I no longer feel I have to respond to everything said in a conversation because I realize we've all "been there" (somewhere) and "done that" (some thing).  Your there and that may not have been the same as mine in any way, shape or form, or maybe we went through the same tunnel or roller coaster ride the same time and even together, but we will each come away describing it differently because of who we are, from where we've come, and how it has affected us.  Also, where we're going.

Another thought is coming to me that has caused people for so many years to distrust or mistrust the Holy Bible - the Scriptures and especially the New Testament four gospels - Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  While in college I took a couple of courses in Religion.  Being brought up in the church my mom thought it would be a cinch for me, and so did I.  Well, I made a "D" at UVA and that's not passing, okay?  And we wondered what was the problem.  Well, my background did not prepare me for the presentation of religion and the gospels through that mammoth and famous institution.  Also it was taught by a cynic who didn't believe a word of it, so I had a closed mind - not on purpose mind you, but because I was taught things another way and had never experienced anyone teaching the Bible who didn't believe it.  whew!!  I went to this professor and we talked several times, he would chuckle with his cigar smoking in his hand.  I was scared, so he had pity on me and gave me a "D".  I told him "thank you" and I, walking out of his office said, "Thank you Jesus!!!"  Because even though a D is not passing, it carries a better gpa on your transcript than an "F".  So I did get some points.

You see, each of the Gospels was written by a different man (a doctor, a tax collector, a fisherman, a writer) who hung out with Jesus the same amount of time, on the boat in a storm, feeding the 5000, healing a bleeding woman, turning water into wine, etc.  Some of you may know about this man named Jesus (with Whom I'm so in love) so I won't try to give His entire story in this short blog.  But because these apostles reported some of the same events but differently, people have tried to discount the events and even the existence of Jesus as a reality.  Just because somebody didn't get the story "straight?"  i.e. all the same word for word, etc.?  Do you find that you recount events the exact same way as anyone else?  I don't.  Some of us are detail oriented and don't like to leave out a dust speck.  Others of us just like the facts madame.  And still others just want a short synopsis or "just tell me the end of the story - does he get the girl or not?"  All counts are still right, it just depends on the person who witnessed it, reported it and then the one who's receiving it - all these variables (and more) affect how it is received.  SEE what I'm SAYING?

My next experience with a university religion course was about 11 years later and you got it, I was nervous as heck.  I had to pray and search my heart and mind to release myself from my past experience, and enter this one with a new outlook.  This time the professor was the chaplain of the university so she was (is) a "believer", yet she believed differently than I did,

however we had more in common than not and enjoyed each other's company, views and sought each other out often for projects, and to help students with their spiritual search.  Suffice it to say I was 11 years older, armed with some more life experiences, and I was now a minister/preacher.  Yet, that could have closed my mind, but instead this time it didn't.  Why not?  I was no longer afraid to hear and be exposed to the views and understanding from others of "Who" God is, and how they came to meet Him and know Him, and Who they believe Him to be, etc.  

The first time around "fear" was smeared all over my glasses and thus prevented me from comprehending what was being said.  Also offense.  I was offended that a professor would teach something he didn't like and didn't believe in and laugh in the faces of those who did, yet make a living from it, allowing his views to decide whether or not our answers were correct.  This hurt me (and some other students), for I saw that someone like me didn't stand a chance in that atmosphere (a snowball's chance in a pot of boiling water!).  (Another topic I've been confronted with since being in France is "Can "unbelievers" of Jesus Christ and believers of other religions sing Gospel music?"  You may be surprised by my answer, so don't think you know it.  LOL  That's a topic for another time, maybe. :-0)

See, how we sea (pun intended) the world decides how we will hear each other, and whether or not we will enter each other's worlds.  (Oh Flipper please Free Willy!) We can keep our glasses on and continue blocking each other out, and thus missing each other's hearts.  Or we can take them off and open ourselves up to one another.  This doesn't mean I will swallow everything you say nor agree with it, nor change my views whether they be religious, political, etc.  You SEE what I'm SAYING?  But it does mean I will value you as a person, and maybe as a new friend.  I will respect your views and your life experiences.  When you speak I won't decide that you are right or wrong on gray matter issues.  You have a right to be wrong, really!  LOL!!! hahahah.  I just love that line and I wrote a song about it which says "Everybody has the right to be wrong".  One day you'll hear it on a platinum-gold record. (Is there such a thing?)

So the next time you find yourself meeting new people, or just dealing with the old ones in your life, look at them in a different way, so you can hear what their heart is trying to say.  This is how we're going to heal our relationships, families, our neighborhoods, communities, our cities, states, countries, and the world because we are ALL people.  The government is made up of PEOPLE, not machines and computers.  King David in one of his prayers to the Lord said ". . . let the nations know that they are only human." (Psalm 9:20) (NRSV)  When we take off our limited earthly view glasses smeared with fear, doubt and unbelief, we will be able to SEE what the Lord our Creator is SAYING from His heart to and for us - the people for whom He sent His Son, Jesus the Christ to die.

Oh, and the next time we see each other - take off your glasses so you can hear what I'm saying.  :-)  Peace!