I have something on my mind I want to run, or type by you.
I had a conversation with a male acquaintance a few months ago. Anyhow, it was positive, sort of, yet I came away wondering, and thus had to place something at the feet of Jesus for understanding and clarification. Now if you don’t pray to God through Jesus that’s ok for you, but remember you’re in JEAN’s World and this is what I do. Just wanted to clarify that so we don’t stumble along the way.
Okay, he says that in the Garden of Eden God said it's not good for man to be alone and we all agree with that. (You can read it in Genesis too.) Also that it means it's not good for woman to be alone. Hey, thank the Lord for a man who believes in equal rights. PTL!! and Amen. So I was excited to hear what else he had to say.
He believes God created Eve as a helpmeet for Adam and part of this means she's one who motivates her man towards and into etc. his destiny. I concur. He also said that this pattern in the Garden is also for platonic relationships between men and women - that they don't have to be married or in an amorous relationship for a woman to motivate a man. To a degree I can agree with this. For instance brothers, uncles, fathers, employers all have been helped and motivated by sisters for centuries, as well as males and females like on the television show Friends, which by the way I only watched a few episodes. I didn’t hang on the “Friends’” block like so many of my friends and family.
What's my problem then? I seem to have a problem with a single woman motivating a single man (and vice versus) on a long-term basis in close proximity i.e. physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually when nothing is going to come of the relationship (especially when the decision is one-sided). (Ok Barak and Deborah in the Bible is a good example I think, but it was short-term and for a specific purpose, war. He needed her counsel, prayers and guidance as a military leader and didn’t want to pursue the enemy without her. You can check out this interesting story in the Old Testament book of Judges. Also, I believe both of them were married to others, so he was not using her in the way I'm discussing in this message. He came to her as a leader and prophet for she had received a word of victory from the Lord on his behalf. She motivated him to do his job.) Okay, maybe they're best friends and can roll like that. I on the other hand witnessed a case (although a true story I have embellished facts to maintain the anonymity of the characters) where a young woman stood by a guy, while he went to jail for a sophisticated crime (he was a nice clean guy who got caught on the federal level), visited him, wrote him letters, fell in love with him and did so many things for him and hoped things would go deeper when he got out 2 years later – oh and prayed for him and his sentence was reduced. This doesn't usually happen for a black man in America. We can be truthfully honest about that (before Obama that is). When he got out she helped him get on his feet and restart his business. Then a year or two later he married someone else. She was heartbroken. Ok. And he knew she had feelings for him, yet he used her in this fashion and she did not know about the other woman until engagement time. She thought she was helping a brother out who would appreciate her in a greater way and love her as she loved him. Not.
I thought to myself, 'I could not do it nor do I ever want to be put in a position as a single woman of motivating a man I like, but for another woman.' And I was married at the time, not even thinking I would be single again. (I had/have no problem motivating men professionally, and socially in a safe context; and even married ones, but I prefer to be friends with their wives and girlfriends, and help them motivate their own man so there will be no funny stuff and no accusations. I'm not into man-sharing either.)
I just listened as this guy talked for his argument was so shiny and crystal like, but I just couldn't see through it. It was so shiny like it was hiding something, preventing me from seeing what was really not being said or revealed. I feel that this type of situation is not safe for a woman's heart, for her to give of her soul's and other internal and external resources to motivate a man as he achieves his accomplishments, just for him to grab another female who comes along who did nothing for him in the storms and fires. I can’t see paying for a cow the milk from which I will never drink. I've heard of not looking a gift-horse in the face, but this is a cow, okay? Now this is from this woman’s point of view and limited, negative and painful experiences with the opposite gender. Yes there have been some positive ones too, but we can talk about those in another blog. Don't get offended or sidetracked.
Please tell me if I'm still thinking in the box or have a small mind. (Please be gentle and tactful, giving it in the way you would like to receive it. Thanks.) Maybe there is a fear of being taken advantage of, again, but the one I want to avoid is wasting my time with someone, building him up when he has no intentions of committing. I don't want to allow this “philosophical” thinking to negatively affect the way I roll and interact with people. I want to save all my resources for my Adam, because I'm no substitute Eve either. (My name might be Sarah. :-0)
I think many of us have been substitute teachers (or filling in for someone else on a gig) at one time or another. Well, you know we did not get the teachers' pay or pension or insurance, etc. Heck, depending on your area's school system you didn't know what age you would be covering or the teacher until you arrived at the school. My point is, and I think you have it by now, is "being used with no retirement plan". It’s just a temporary set up until the real deal returns. Well there comes a time in life when we become the real deal and the substitute days end.
I don't like the interpretation of Eve as “a motivator”. God meant something more, and more valuable and beautiful by the pattern He created in the Garden. He is always multi-dimensional with His creativity, and His head is bigger than ours with bigger thoughts and purposes for us than we have for ourselves and each other. His thoughts toward us are beneficial for everyone involved - no little "u's" or BIG "I's", no thoughts where only one person comes out on top while the other one has to crawl a minute before standing on their two feet again, or possibly never getting up again. We are not to be taken apart by men (or they by us) for the parts of us they want so they can build their lives, egos and careers at our expense without giving back something that’s just as valuable (a woman’s soul and heart are priceless). It's bad enough that a marital relationship doesn't guarantee that you won't be taken advantage of, but at least with it you have a public commitment and papers, witnesses for the prosecution and the plaintiff (thanks Law and Order!), and other legal perks to either make it worth your while, or to help you should, God forbid, the marriage dissolve (and that's no guarantee either. This I know.)
So now, please help me my sisters and brothers. I'm single again, and I know that what I think (and you also) inside will affect the aura I (you) give off to people, period. I don't want to walk around with a sign on my head saying "take me and use me for whatever you need, hey I'm game". Hail to the no!! But neither do I want to wear the other sign that says "stay the hail away from me". LOL! Honey draws bees and flies, and though I'm allergic to bees I can do without the flies. Oh I am having a great time in life now, but every once in a while I get stumped. LOL!
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